I Celebrate Myself… not a Walt Whitman party though

When I first bought my laptop a few years ago I was so excited about all the cool features that I decided to use my Infomercial/Price is Right-before-Drew Carey voice Neeeewww WEBCAM!!!!! to do a video journal.

I just went back and watched some of the entires and these bitches are funny as hell.

No. SERIOUSLY. F-ing Hilarious.

Plus, because it’s me-“deep intellectual”, seeing myself and the transformation even from 2 years ago I couldn’t help but be amazed. It was so weird because there I was on the screen, in my 4th floor dorm room- 423, going on about my then problems. They seemed like giants then. The emotion was so present and raw like… Idk… something raw and unprocessed. Help me out here… A head of broccoli lol

It was me. I had the same mannerisms, same face- though much clearer, and those eyes… man those eyes. As blind as I am, I could really see.

At the risk of sounding hella conceded, bare (bear? Oh, grammar police, please don’t find me. PS I love commas) with me here :

Tonight watching me bare my soul to myself, I really came to appreciate who I am. I’m human and that humanity means that I’m growing, evolving. I’m learning. Right now, I’ve never loved myself more.

I love MY:

Hair Desire to change the world, my world (even if it’s only Arkadelphia) Heart for people Encouraging words LOVE of all things food-which brings me to My body- every curve, scar, pimple, blemish, stretch mark, ashy spot and the beauty of my brown skin

Mind.

Voice.

I’m finally getting it- agape for myself & comfort in my skin. I’m so proud.

I hope that you love you too.

God does. Believe what He says about you; you’re beautiful, handcrafted.

AmazingDiscoveries

May 22

wordsneedspace:

baby doll

(via quirkyblackgirls)

+

wordsneedspace:

baby doll

(via quirkyblackgirls)

May 20

Reblog if you’ll answer anything that gets put in your ask.

(Source: 1ax, via progressisalemon)

May 16

This is the Part Where…

Have you ever seriously considered the nature of success? As I sit in my dining room staring out the window, seriously a melodramatic scene from some movie, I replay the conversation I continue to have with myself.

What is success?

Many, though never admitting it to themselves, have a strong sense of success defined by the outward appearance. If a person is educated, has nice things, and looks like they have it all together then that individual may be deemed successful.

What about the others of us who are too above the “mainstream” to think that way? No, we would never judge someone by their outer appearance. Instead, we choose to define success by the innermost part of a man. Of course there’s catch. In a society where most people walk in fear of revealing who they really are, you can never be too sure of what you’re getting.

People are always trying to impress you by showing you what they think you want. “I’m socially conscious, I’m green, I’m an intellectual… Blah, blah, blah…” You never really see someone because no one is willing to be vulnerable and put all out there.

I’m not talking about being stupid and sharing all your business, I’m just talking about being real. Can we please get some realness out there?

So, back to success…

That whole rant was to say:

I’m tired.

I tweeted a very telling statement the other day: “The sooner you stop holding yourself to standards that don’t apply to you (other’s expectations and opinions) the happier you’ll be.”

It’s true ya know, but it isn’t easy. I’m just too tired to exert energy on a strategy- a life philosophy- that hasn’t proven to bring “success” to anyone.

I will create my own definition of success and will continue to redefine what success means to and for me as I reach my goals. Everyday I realize it has less and less to do with what people think and more to do with how I allow others to affect me. How can I ever be who God’s called me to be, who I desire to become, when I’m so busy trying to be everyone else’s generic definition of “success”?

I can’t.

This is the part where I:

smile to myself for making too much sense, frown because it’s all easier said than done, and laugh because of all these faces I’m making at myself.